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Joke of the week

A top FBI agent was looking for an assistant, and a certain young officer named Johnson applied for the position. The top agent decided that it would be good to test Johnson's intelligence.
"Tell me Johnson," he asked him "How much is 1 and 1?"
"11"
The agent thought for a while "It's not really correct, but in a way he's right."
"Tell me Johnson, what two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Tomorrow and Today."
The man was amazed how creative Johnson was, so he asked him the final question.
"Now focus, Johnson: Who killed John Fitzgerald Kennedy?"
That was a hard one and Johnson had to admit that he didn't know the answer.
"In that case, go home and check it, okay?"
Johnson left the office and was approached by other candidates who wanted to know how the interview went. Johnson was enthusiastic. "It went great! It's my first day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

The people who were James Bond

Even in the cinematic league of superheroes James Bond is in a class by himself. Not only does he speak dozens of foreign languages, but also he is an acrobat, a professional poker player, a stunt driver, a master of martial arts, an excellent marksman, a brilliant lover, a cunning strategist and ... well, the list could go on forever, really. It's enough to put the common sense to work to deduct that no man in his early forties would have been able to learn all this stuff. It does make sense, however, when you realize that James Bond is a compilation of a few really talented people that Ian Fleming, the inventor of the super spy, had met. The following are the most well-know names associated with Bond.

James Bond #1

Colonel Duane Hudson - a British soldier renowned for his bravery and cunning in World War II. A regular womaniser, an engineer and a versatile sportsman (he also spoke six foreign languages). He was given some highly dangerous missions, such as sabotaging German ships or training Yugoslavian partisans. At some point he was given £80,000 in gold and diamonds and was asked to use them to fund anti-Nazi guerrilla. Some of this money was spent, some of it he stashed for himself.

James Bond #2

Patric Dalzel-Job - a commando and expert mariner, skier and parachutist, though, unlike Bond, he never liked alcohol and was happily married to the same woman till the day he died. In 1940s he was a navigation officer that was responsible for evacuation of English soldiers from Narvik in Norway. Although he was given direct orders to cease the evacuation of Norwegian civilians, he kept doing it. It is said that he may have saved as many as 5,000 people. His later missions involved attacking German ships in midget submarines and many special operations behind the enemy lines which proved his great courage and resourcefulness.

Vocabulary exercise

Put the words from the glossary into the gaps.

1. I will not let you go out with this boy! Everybody knows that he is a __________.
2. You will do this exercise in no time if you ________ your brain ________.
3. Till the day he died, the thief didn't confess where he ________ the money he had stolen.
4. A few good matches like that and our team will move to the First ______.
5. She was a really _______ employee, it's a pity she decided to quit our company.
6. Had it not been for his _________, he wouldn't have survived on the desert.

Answer key:
1. womaniser; 2. put to work; 3. stashed; 4. League; 5. versatile; 6. resourcefulness

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